I'm lost and stupid without you.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
i think i just lost a toe
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
