all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
