The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
he told me I talked like a deaf person
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
