Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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