Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
