No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
