Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
