dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
