I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
