she woke up with a sticky ear
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
