This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
