Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
