Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
