Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
