Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
My life is pants optional.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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