We need to rekindle our bromance
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
