It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Randomize
