i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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