i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
