I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
So much Jack, so little girl.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
