a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
