do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
