he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
