Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
