gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
They took my balls.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
