so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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