I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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