Don't you send me to vm
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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