I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
