There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
