Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
