Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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