you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
