i think my mom watched the whole time
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
