I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
