is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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