So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
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