Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
