oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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