he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
