Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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