You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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