I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
i believe in u and ur pee
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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