my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
