Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
