I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
