She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
