I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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