Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
