I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Im part way to drunk.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
