The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
